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Joker Quotes

Comic Book Quotes

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to World War Three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last World War? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?" - Batman: The Killing Joke 

"If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!" - Batman #1 

(to Judge Drake) "You can't win anyway... You see, I hold the winning card!" - Batman #1 

"I won't even waste the usual Joker Venom on you, Brute, but give you something you can understand...lead! - Batman #1 

"Very neat! That ugly head of yours does have a brain!" - Batman #1 

"I'm not mad at all! I'm just differently sane!!" - Batman and Robin #13 

(to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle." - Superman/Batman: World's Finest 

"One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall." - Batman: The Man Who Laughs 

"In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out." - Identity Crisis 

"Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever." - Batman: The Killing Joke 

"Ladies and gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, 'Not very well'. Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!" - Batman: The Killing Joke 

"It's a clear choice -- me or Pettit. Vote or die. Cancer or tuberculosis." - Detective Comics #737 

"If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!" - Batman: Dark Detective 

"They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it." - Batman: The Dark Knight Returns 

"See, there were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum...and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daredn't make the leap. Y'see...y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... he says 'What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I am half way across!'" - Batman: The Killing Joke 

"Aren't I just good enough to eat?" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth 

"April sweet is coming in, let the feast of fools begin!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth 

"The guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and he says, 'Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy.' So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. 'Doc?' He says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face. 'April fool! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!'" (he executes an asylum orderly with a gunshot to the head) "Get it? Oh, what a senseless waste of human life!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth  

"Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth 

(to Batman) "Loosen up, tight ass!" — Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth "Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth 

"And he didn't die all at once. It was hours before the screaming stopped. I almost didn't get to sleep that night. That was the last time I'd used crushed glass..." - The Joker: Devil's Advocate 

"You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!" - Batman: Dark Victory 

(to Batman) "Quick question: When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?" - Batman: The Long Halloween 

"Hello Late-Show lovers...and lovers of the Late-Show!" - The Laughing Fish 

"Live...and in person! The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks, the One and Only JOKER! Prerecorded for this time zone." - The Sign of the Joker 

"What's wrong with the World? After all the AGGRAVATION I went through just STEALING this crop-duster...you'd think they'd give me one that would FLY right." - Batman: The Long Halloween 

"Every clown loves kids, captain. Just ask Sarah Essen-Gordon. Oh, that's right, you can't!" - Gotham Central #15 

(As Nightwing pummels him) "Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?" - Joker: Last Laugh #6 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too." - Emperor Joker 

"Yum Yum! Dum Sum! Chinese food...made from real Chinese!" - Emperor Joker 

(To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it." - Emperor Joker 

"I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled, kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Batman #655 

"If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!" - Dreadful Birthday Dear Joker 

"Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?" - Batman #663 

"You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?" - Batman #663 

" The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!" - Batman #681 

"You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that's just Wikipedia. You actually believed all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days of drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?" - Batman #681 

"You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?" - Batman #681 

"Devil is double is deuce, my dear doctor ... and joker trumps deuce." Batman #681 

"Obvious...And everybody knows. You wear your shame like a badge, because you don't have the balls to actually pin one on.... Yes... Just look at you... Desperate to be feared, you want to be perceived as a monster, draped in black... And yet... You leave that little window... A glimpse at the perfection underneath. OBVIOUS; The chiseled jaw, the mouth of a monster... Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why...... - Joker 

(singing) "When the world is full of care and every headline screams despair, when the news are rape, starvation, war and life is vile...then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass along to you that's always guaranteed to make me smile. I go Loo-oo-oony, as a lightbulb battered bug, simply Loo-oo-oony, sometimes foam and chew the rug...mister life is swell in a padded cell, it'll chase those blues away! You can trade your gloom for a rubber room and injections twice a day!" - The Killing Joke 

"A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look" - Joker 

"I am the Champion of the WORLD!"- Elseworlds: Batman/Lobo 

"Laugh, clown, laugh...and laugh again! The police are completely at bay! Batman is baying at the moon! No one can beat the Joker! Soon, now...soon they'll see it my way! They'll know I mean what I say! Today, the American fish... and tomorrow all the fish in the world! But...what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadn't thought of that! What if they all conspire against me...leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no...that would never work! The VEGETARIANS wouldn't go along! And anyway...I could use my chemicals on cattle! JOKER-BURGERS! OUTRAGEOUS! - Detective Comics #476 

"Howdy, Stan, the Donutz man! This is a stickup, see? (holds two donuts up to his eyes like a mask) - Laughter After Midnight "Here's the cold, hard truth Bats...I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy...I'm crazy 'cause I hate you. " - Batman: Cacophony

'The Dark Night' Quotes

"Do you wanna know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and he says, "Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife. "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth—"Let's put a smile on that face!" And... Why so serious ?" 

"Don't talk like you're one of them! You're not - even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out - like a leper." 

"See, their "morals", their "code"... it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. I'll show you. " 

"When the chips are down, these, ah, "civilized people"? They'll eat each other. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. " 

"See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve." 

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